And the Emmy for Worst New Show Goes To…

Covert Affairs. This series from the USA Network has earned our highest grade for unwatchability – a perfect 10. Forget about the farfetched premise and plotlines with more holes than a spaghetti sieve, what brings this series down is star Piper Perabo or, more specifically, her lips. Show after show, shot after shot, pictures Ms. Perabo with the oddest contrivance of attitude to ever effect post-Angelina lips. At times, it looks like she has lost all control and feel of her lips as if she’s been shot up with Novocain. Or maybe they’re frozen. No matter, I can almost hear the director demanding from her “more poutiness, more poutiness.” Whenever the camera’s on her the focus is on her lips. Sorry, I tried to watch a couple episodes but I could not get past the lips, the lips, the lips. God, is it ever distracting. Surrounded by competent actors like Kari Matchett (“24” and “ER” among her credits) and Peter Gallagher (“While You Were Sleeping”), Perabo hijacked the show with her lips. After that, the show never had a chance.

No Emmy for Emmies

Are the writers still on strike? I mean, from beginning to end, that was the worst Emmy Awards Show ever.

If you were looking for a flat opening, you couldn’t possibly have generated less excitement than you did by playing the Oprah card? Along with the 5 reality show hosts, the show was quickly relegated to the basement of the all-time award show standings, just behind Letterman’s fabled Oscar catastrophe. Not even Heidi Klum’s klumsy strip down could derail this train wreck

Of course, Oprah’s appearance was a subtle endorsement of Barack Obama. Sublety seemed to be the dictated policy. Otherwise, everybody would have wasted the uncaring public’s valuable time plugging their favorite African American savior. Laura Linney was bursting with pride when she referred to our founding fathers as “community organizers.” I like the kid, but when it comes to politics, she’s in a league with Lindsey Lohan.

Among other moments that didn’t thrill me, was the presentation of best comedy show to “30 Rock” by Betty White and Cat Woman. I also discovered sadly that Tommy Smothers isn’t funny any more.

As far as the winners go, I have no arguments there. I don’t get the cable channels. Having grown up with free tv, I just can’t see paying $60 a month. I amuse myself with the basic networks. If I want to see a show like the Sopranos, I get it on DVD. In fact, I just added season 2 of Dexter to my Netflix Queue.