Thursday, December 12, 2013

They’re Back, They’re Back – The Snowbirds Are Back

Roger and I, the management of the Hudson Highlands Mobile Home Park (A 55+ Community), would like to take this opportunity to welcome back all our friends from Canada, Michigan, New York State, Maine, Vermont, etc. It's great to have you all back, but we sincerely hope you didn't bring any of that cold weather with you, brrrr. LOL :)

We are looking forward to the coming winter and Roger thought, to get things off to a good start, we should go over some of our rules pertaining to pets.

First of all, dog owners, remember that when out doors your pet must be on a leash. There are no exceptions. If you are one of the 90% of residents who think that you and your darling pet are exceptions, then the rule applies especially to you because you are apparently so dumb you actually thing that that mutt of yours is somehow special.

Secondly, under no circumstances are you to allow your pet to do its business (pee or poo; whiz or crap; number one or number two; piss or shit) on another resident's lot. These people may not share your perverted obsession for dumb animals and therefore do not deserve to be gifted with your animal's waste products. Besides, your lot would make a perfectly good toilet. When you're away up north, Roger uses it all the time.

Rule number 3: Wherever or whenever your puppy drops his or her little nuggets, you are expected to pick the frigging things up. And this goes for you, too, nameless asshole who ties his dog to his tricycle and then rides around the park without stopping to give his animal the opportunity to assume a proper hunch-backed squat thereby forcing his beloved pet to drop turds here and there along his route where everybody else has to deal with them. Leaving them in the road is extremely inconsiderate to your fellow residents. STOP IT!


Pardon my French.

Rule number 5: This is a new rule made necessary by the fact that some of you dog owners are either too full of yourselves or, as I believe, don't have the sense you were born with. If you walk your dog down the street, you must yield to all traffic, whether it be gas powered, electric or propelled by pedals. Don't make it necessary for these vehicles to go around you thereby putting their drivers in jeopardy by placing them on the wrong side of the street where they could be subject to head-on collisions with those of your brethren who go whipping through stop signs and around corners because, once again, they don't think those signs apply to them.

Rule 6: If the little bastards chase cars or bicycles, don't dare complain when they get run over. You've been warned.

So, once again, welcome back and enjoy your stay.