I, Michael J. “Ace” Toscano, am now throwing my hat into the ring for the U.S. Senate seat vacated by the Republican Mel Martinez. I know Governor Charlie Crist is already on record as a candidate for this seat, but, let’s face it, he’s a “politician” and guilty of all the offenses to humanity and common decency that that word implies.Me? I’m free of all party affiliations, though I must confess that in the last Presidential campaign I contributed to McCain, Hillary Clinton and Ralph Nader. I was trying to hedge my bets and wound up losing anyway. Go figure.
Anyway, I won’t bore you with a whole list of things I stand for, mainly, because I don’t stand for much. I will take care of my friends. You can count on that. This includes facebook friends, myspace friends, high school friends, poolroom friends, people I met in line at the 7-11, and folks like that.
My main focus is going to be on eliminating health-care benefits for all members of the House and Senate. Why should the taxpayers foot the bill for a bunch of ass-wipes who couldn’t care less about the health-care of their constituents? It makes no sense. Let them scramble for health insurance just like everyone else.
Wars? I believe we should send our kids to war only when they are given the opportunity to fight alongside Sasha and Malia Obama, as well as Joseph, Ashley and Robert Biden. Add to that list all the children of all our dear legislators. Otherwise, it’s a no go. I mean, if their snobby children are too precious to go to war, SO ARE YOURS!
My platform is ever-evolving, but my principles are steadfast. I’m going to look out for you. You can bet your ass nobody else will.
BTW, I won’t be on the ballot – that’s too much friggin’ trouble – so you’ll have to write me in. Bring a pen.
1 comment:
I don't live in Florida, but if I did you would definitely get my vote. May I suggest that you steal one of Pat Paulsen's old campaign slogans: "I have nothing to hide but hide itself."
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